I am happy to report that with Jonathan gone, I am not bawling like a baby all the time, as predicted. I’m positive, I’m strong, I’m happy, I’m excited, I’m missing him so hard I ache, but I am being a frickin’ warrior woman – well, judging from the responses and comments I’ve been getting from other wives and mothers of sailors in the Navy.
Don’t get me wrong, I miss my husband so much. It’s the hardest at night, and I start to feel depression creeping up. But I’ve confronted those negative feelings with positive thoughts and prayer and it works EVERY TIME. I still miss him, but it’s a strong, ferocious, love-enhancing missing that – while still painful – feels like the emotional version of the kind of pain you get when working out a muscle. It’s a strengthening pain.
God is using this time apart to strengthen and shape and mold both of us, in many ways, I’m sure. (I wish my changes also included a sexy muscley sailor body like his is undoubtedly turning into. *pout*) But back to my main point. When I think of our future, and what all of this separation is ultimately for, I feel a sense of comfort and peace and I just can’t bring myself to break down into tears. I get misty eyed at times, but I usually find myself getting excited and thanking God with huge smiles for the blessings He’s given us. I am so happy to have my husband, and Tessa, and our cats, and even our tarded couch-eating dog.
But apparently this isn’t normal? I’ve had a couple Navy wives actually ask, “You guys aren’t really close then, are you?”, and “You guys must not have been together very long if you’re coping so well. How long have you known each other?” Like, the quality of our relationship is getting called into question because I’m not blubbering like a baby when I see his sexy face pop up on my screen saver slideshow. (Contrarily, his sexy face in photos usually prompts me to do.. ahem… other things.)
Regardless, it IS nice to know that if the Navy takes my husband away from me in deployments in the future, that I won’t go insane with sorrow or catch the house on fire in my grief and distraction. (Disclaimer: I may still catch the house on fire. I still have six weeks before I see him again, after all.)
All that said…. I miss my husband.
In other news, after I photographed the Ferreira family photos at Mooney Grove Park in Visalia yesterday, we drove over to Becky’s hair salon in Tulare where we dyed my hair red! (Calm down, it was pregnancy safe.) I have been meaning to dye my hair red for ages now. When I was a teenager it was red most of the time. When I first met and started dating Jonathan it was red. Then, (I think for the Princess Bride cosplay photoshoot) I bleached my hair to death. Like, horrible, hair falling out, disintegrating strands of hair to death. After that I was too terrified to touch it with color again for a long while.
But Jonathan has been asking me to change it back to red for awhile now, since it’s his favorite color on me (and my favorite color on me, too), so I figured for his Navy Boot Camp graduation, I’d have it changed back as a surprise. It’s not fair that when I see him again he’ll be transformed into a muscle-y sailor man in tight pants. I need to have a sexy hair do in addition to a huge third trimester baby belly to surprise him with.
I love the way the color turned out. Becky is amazing, and did a fantastic job, as always! What do you think of the color? Pretty, no? ^_^