10 Things You Should Never Ever Say to Your Child

So not too long ago I blogged about “Common Negative Phrases You Need to Never Ever Say Again”, and I’ve decided to take it a step further, and see how this applies not only to ourselves, but to our children, and how we speak to them.

It is well established in psychology circles and early learning development sciences that we learn our internal dialogue, thoughts and programs from the people around us during our early formative years as children. What we have been taught or told becomes the basis for how we formulate our thoughts about ourselves, who we are, and what we are capable of.

Most of our average habits and everyday self-talk – even the kind that we don’t even notice, and thoughts that pass silently without words – have been programmed into us as children by our parents and caregivers.

Neuroscience has taught us that what we put into our brains is what we will get back out. We also have learned that the subconscious mind is a sponge.. it will believe ANYTHING you tell it. It will even believe a lie if you tell it often enough and strongly enough! The part of the brain that stores vital information and files it away as “my reality” makes no moral judgments – it simply accepts whatever you tell it!

Many times limiting beliefs and negative thoughts were passed on to us by otherwise kind and loving and well-meaning parents. But unless we learn differently, we end up giving the SAME EXACT programming to our own children. 

The things you say to your children can create the basis of limitation, failure and lack OR they can set up your child for happiness, success and strength. Here are some examples of things that can become core beliefs of “who I am” if said often enough to impressionable children. 

10 Things You Should Never Ever Say to Your Children: 

• Why can’t you be more like your sister or brother? 
• You just don’t try. 
• You never listen to me. 
• You aren’t good at math / reading / etc. 
• You’re lazy. 
• You don’t care about anyone but yourself. 
• You just don’t think. 
• You’re not a very good artist / musician / athlete / etc.
• Your room is always a mess.
• You’ll never make money by pursuing this passion / interest / etc.

With the above statements repeated often enough, even in its most innocent and casual forms, young, impressionable and unknowing children can accept these “truths” as a core reality. “That’s just the way I am” can end up working against children in a powerful way. Words parents speak can create a less than healthy portrait of have a child sees himself or herself inside, and it molds what they will eventually become.

I don’t claim to be a perfect mother, and I am constantly on a journey of doing the best job I can in my actions and words to lift up to my children to their highest potential, so this blog post it offered in love. I hope that as mothers that want the best for our kids, we can all commit to be mindful of what we say to our children, and to be aware that “you are” statements – both good and bad – can and likely will help our child create a self identity that believes the words we speak as true.