The Noah’s Ark Burger, or the “Abomination Burger”

I’ve blogged before about the unique, nerdy chic gatherings and Friday night shindigs at my friend’s house in Tulare. Belle and Chris Morrow have a knack for hosting the most interesting ,and at times borderline blasphemous parties. And I can’t get enough of them.

The theme for this party, The Noah’s Ark Burger, was dreamed up by my lovely friend Spring. The gimmick? Everyone brought a unique animal meat, which was then ground up in a meat grinder, mixed together, and dished out into individual burger patties. While the imagery of consuming every animal in creation certainly appeals to me, gluttonous carnivore that I am, I prefer calling the them “Abomination Burgers”. While there is nothing abominable and everything awesome with a mixture of a dozen different animals in one bite, the title just rolls off the tongue and intrigues the palate, in my opinion. And it’s just really fun to say.

The grand tally of the ten different animals that went into these burgers? Cow, Chicken, Pig, Turkey, Lamb, Buffalo, Antelope, Kangaroo, Ostrich and Alligator.

And now for the foodie review. Chris did an amazing job pairing a seasoning to the meat that suited the conglomeration of textures and flavors. And the burgers smelled phenomenal while cooking. Even more surprising? They tasted about as good as they smelled. The patties were dense and fairly dry, but they certainly did not lack in unique flavor. Of course there were occasional textural inconsistencies in the patties, but the overall flavor was appetizing and far tastier than any of us anticipated. Chris got a lovely char on these burgers, and everyone proclaimed them a success.  The pile of patties were practically inhaled the second they popped off the grill. The worst part about the burger? The slim likelihood (make that near impossibility) of re-creating this recipe again.

I was going to end this blog with a couple of carnivore, meat eating jokes, but in my quick Google search I found that Vegan jokes are so much more hilarious by virtue of their trying to be funny and just… not being very funny. So I leave you with the making of the Abomination Burger photos and some Vegan “jokes”.

Q: How many carnivores does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. They prefer to stay in the dark about things!

Q: Why do people kill animals? A: Fur convenience steak.

Q: Why did the carnivore cross the road? A: Because a meat store was on the other side, and he had been conditioned by the system of carnism to believe that eating animals is normal, natural and necessary.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To get away from the hungry carnivore.

Q: What will meat eaters have to say about us vegans in the next century? A: Nothing, because there will be none of them left.

(For the record, I eat meat and I feel bad for the animals, but I mean… run faster I guess and stop tasting good?)