I don’t have many friends, and the friendships I do have I suck at maintaining. But it hasn’t always been this way.
As I grew older, the toll of adult life just started to creep into the freedoms I once took for granted in my youth, forcing me to make very real and, at times, very heart-breaking sacrifices.
As a teenager and a young adult, I lived a life of social decadence – late nights, sleepovers, parties, intense friendships, frequent excursions and road trips, hiking and social functions – every moment of my life was marked by my experience with others. From cosplay to camping, there was always something and someone to share it with.
Once I started having children, my social life pretty much screeched to a sudden stop. I know that this issue is not exclusive to me – anyone who has a child will at some point come to realize how isolated you can be from groups of friends you once had. Being unable to participate in spontaneous activities, and being unable to procure childcare, can be the death knell to an adult social life.
My social life has been sporadic and rare these last few years, and I have not done much to actively remedy this situation, even though I know deep down that seeking out new friendships and fostering current ones is something I should – and even NEED to do. But the depression and isolation that came with “losing friends” (and I legitimately did lose many) brought on some nasty habits that have become my new normal… things like getting comfortable in isolation, not responding to messages because “small talk” isn’t “really hanging out” and in a roundabout way depresses me further, and dismissing invitations out of hand as something too difficult to do with children in tow.
I know this needs to change, and I had, at the beginning of the year, determined to work on this aspect of myself. Especially with the Navy moving us to Washington State, the idea of “starting fresh” and finding my tribe is actually pretty exciting.
But if I thought maintaining an active social life was difficult before, the luxury of spending time with friends has grown even rarer in the past few months ever since Covid hit. On top of THAT, we have been “in the process” of moving to Washington State for the past half year, and the ominous and uncertain move date has made making friends a scary concept. Do I heavily invest in friendships NOW, when we are ready to move? Do I keep pursuing / researching groups and people and events in Washington with our move being moved back and back and back?
I feel like the universe has been conspiring to tell me to focus on where I am RIGHT HERE and RIGHT NOW. When I take my eyes and my focus off of myself, and seek to focus on others, the path ahead seems fairly clear. I woke up pondering this topic, and started thinking about a friend who has been going through some rough times. Like a light bulb, I realized I have ways and opportunities to invest in the lives I am blessed to know, right here and right now. I don’t know why I don’t take these opportunities more often.
So I made a quick Starbucks run and we spent some Covid distancing time on the front lawn, catching up on life. It was small, short, and in my “everything has to be a grand ordeal” mind, rather insignificant.. but it was a strange medicine to my stay-at-home and feel-sorry-for-myself soul. I need to shake this lone wolf and isolated persona I’ve somehow assumed since having children. No excuses. Moving, Covid, depressed? IT DOESN’T MATTER.
All that matters is love, and relationship with others is a manifestation of love. And it is something I NEED in my life.
Moving forward, the moments I carve out to see friends will be particularly precious and savored, even if they are few and far between. Although it can be heart breaking to see certain friendships fall by the wayside, these transitions in life make me value those long-lasting relationships ever more. The friends who understand, assist me and support me on my journey, those are treasured souls, so even in the busiest of moments when I cannot make time for a lunch, a coffee date, or a board game night – I am going to make sure I keep in touch and send my friends a message to let them know that I love and appreciate them.
CURRENT STATS
Start Weight (May 15, 2020): 201 pounds
Current Weight (June 27, 2020): 186.2
Total Pounds Lost (Since May 15, 2020): 14.8
Pounds Left to Lose to Reach Goal Weight of 130 pounds: 56.2
