Maybe it’s because I’ve kept myself so busy with projects, goals and hobbies. Maybe it’s because I’m not prone to negativity. Or maybe I’m just really good at repression. But now, just 3 weeks away from having baby number two, I’m starting to think about all of the ways that our little family is going to change.
And it’s kind of scary.
One of the benefits to being an overthinker and a research-aholic is that I tend to work out my feelings, thoughts and behaviors so thoroughly that there is no room for doubts and fears when push comes to shove – not many anyway.
My husband and I, long before having Tessa, decided that we wanted to have our children fairly back to back. When Tessa was just a line on a pee stick, Thyme was very much a planned for and sought after baby. Our plan was, “Have baby #2 when baby #1 is about 18 months old”. Guess how old Tessa will be in a few weeks? (Yes, something in our lives ACTUALLY went according to plan / schedule!)
So it goes without saying that we are beyond excited to grow our little family. We already talk about our “kids”. We’re already making future plans that involve “the girls”. Just like Tessa Freeman, Thyme Freeman is already our precious, irreplaceable, darling daughter, and we haven’t even seen her face yet.
So why is it, that NOW, of all times, 37 weeks into the pregnancy, am I joining the ranks of all soon to be mommies of a second child, and experiencing flutters of the “new baby” fear?
Silly thoughts keep surfacing unbidden into my head. Thoughts that have been considered, weighed and dealt with so long ago that I cannot account for their inexplicable return. Thoughts like:
“Will I love this child as deeply and desperately as I love my first?”
“Will Tessa feel like I love her less?”
“Will she like her little sister?”
“Can I focus my energy and attention on two children, giving them the individual love and affection they deserve?”
“Will the dynamic of our family change in a negative way?”
“Will I be a good mom when I’m dealing with not one, but TWO little lives?”
These thoughts are silly, I know. They’re normal, they’re healthy and they’re most likely a mixture of hormone fueled paranoia mingled with lies from the fiery depths of hell. Ya know, the usual.
Because the fact is, I already love this little lady so much. It is a love that expands, multiplies, and intensifies when shared as a family. Just as Tessa joining our lives made me fall even deeper and madly in love with my husband, so giving my first daughter a sibling and best friend is expanding the love I have for my husband, my daughter and my family.
I am so excited to grow our little family. I am impatient to gift Tessa her new best friend, roommate and partner in crime. Tessa is ALREADY a big sister, and she doesn’t even realize it! I mean, according to human biology, medical science, and common sense, at the very moment of Thyme’s conception, Tessa became a big sister.
When I first became aware of the little life growing inside of me, I knew I was carrying a genetically distinct, unique, living, growing little human who already had her gender, features and particular personality charted out. Like toddler to child and teen to adult, an unborn baby is just a stage in human growth. The absolute worth and value of this tiny human life is the same at all stages – no human is worth more or less based on size or maturity.
So how silly is it to quibble and fear over loving a human being that is already so priceless, precious and irreplaceable? Even though we don’t know her face to face (although her kicking behind my rib cage and stomping on my bladder has gotten us quite chummy over the last few months) the fact is, we already love Thyme so deeply that any “Will I love her enough? Will I love Tessa less?” fears are just.. well, they’re pretty dang dumb.
The biggest uncertainty – and only legitimate concern in my opinion – is how Tessa will react immediately to her new sister. It’s hard to tell what she can understand regarding the new addition to our family. At times she will point to my belly, kiss it, and say in her gibbering toddler talk “Baby!” While I’m swooning in maternal love overload at her seeming comprehension of her baby sister, she’ll then shift gears and randomly slap my belly and say, “Belly!” Soooo, does she know she has a baby sister on the way? I honestly have no clue.
But what I DO know is that she is going to be an amazing big sister. God had this role cut out for her before there was time, and that I know for a fact.
I watch Tessa play with her baby dolls, carefully and gently brushing their hair, feeding them a bottle and hugging them while chattering in a sing song voice. I watched her face, so intense with curiosity and kindness, as she stared at a newborn baby we had in our home for a newborn photoshoot last week. And I think: “You’ve GOT this little girl. Best big sister EVAR.”
This little child in my belly is a blessing. I can’t wait to meet her. I can’t wait to watch my daughters become best friends. I can’t wait to see my husband coming home from work, walking in the front door to crouch down and scoop up TWO little girls for kisses and cuddles instead of just one.
All of these fears are so silly and “me” centered. But isn’t that just like human folly, to fear a blessing from the Lord? When I stop to think about all of these upcoming changes, it becomes abundantly clear – we are SO BLESSED. And we don’t even fully realize it yet.
as a mom of 5. I’ve had the new baby jitters every time. You love your children all the same and with everything you got. The jitters is just jitters lol once your home with your precious babies you’ll realize that your heart has grown bigger because of all the love your children bring out in you!!! Just breathe and relax your gonna be an awesome mom of 2!!!!!
Thank you Deborah!! I know you are an amazing mother, and when I see my good friends of 4, 5 and even 6 kids doing an amazing job I think… I GOT THIS!!! lol! Thank you for your kind words! *hugs*
My first is almost three, and her little brother just turned one. Like you, I was mostly anxious free until about a month before. It was an adjustment after he was born. A friend of mine who had two said it takes about three months before you get into a groove again, and in my case, she was correct.
Now I just have the typical mommy guilt sometimes of not spending enough time with him as I did with her when she was younger. But then I tell myself, yeah, but she didn’t have a great older sibling to play with either. It all works out.
Now, they are each other’s favorite toy, and I love watching them play together.
I was actually wondering how long it would take for things to “get back to normal”.. we just BARELY figured out what normal was with a baby, then she started crawling! Then we found a sense of “normal” and now she’s walking and RUNNING! lol! And yeah, every time I think I may be “robbing” Tessa of something, I think of how now she will have a little best friend.. it’s not taking away, it’s ADDING TO!! I am so impatient to see them play together, grow together, learn together.. thank you so much for your honest comment!
Although not a mom of two yet, heck I’m not even pregnant yet, I d Po understand the thoughts. I have them just simply thinking and trying for #2. In my plans, I would be pregnant already, but clearly that’s not the case.
Either way, I love how your internal battle plays out…it sounds (reads) so much like mine. But, as you said, you’re ready, you got this already even though you haven’t done it yet. Besides, since Tessa adores her mommy, she will most definitely adore her little sister, Thyme (which is an incredibly lovely name btw)!
Speaking of which, Tessa understands, but baby is still somewhat conceptual to her, so she also doesn’t. She will though. Just as soon as the newest sweet girl is in your arms, she’ll be right there showering both you and Thyme with love and kisses! 🙂
I didn’t know you were trying to get pregnant! I will have to keep you in my prayers! Our original plan was for us to have a boy first, then a girl, then be DONE with having kids.. now, with TWO girls, we’re planning to try for a third and hoping it’ll be a boy… but clearly, it’s not up to us! It’s all in God’s hands and we’re content with that.
From what I understand this internal battle is fairly normal for preggo mommies of baby #2, so I don’t feel bad for the doubts and worries and fears.. but my oh my, it is SO refreshing hearing you moms chime in with words of affirmation!
One thing I can tell for sure now, although I don’t know you for long – you have love enough for other ten children!! (not the time, though, as you want to provide your children with a happy, healthy living, and that’s consuming).
So I’m sure you find the right way – and think: you get so much love with a new baby, how will this change your world!? – sure makes it better!!
All the best wishes, although we’ll still hear from each other before the great event :))
Rosa
Styleyourselfnstyle.blogspot.com
Awwww, thank you Rosa! You are so very kind! <3
I’m sure you’ll find the right way! Children are always so nice and the love to them and from them will help to solve any things!
Margo Raffaelli
I think your feelings are completely normal!
What I know just from the short time I’ve been getting to know you is that you are an awesome mom to Tessa and you are going to be a great mom of 2!! There will be some days that are challenging but that is part of the fun:)
Thank you Kim!! You know, I hesitated before opening up and being more “real” on my blog (being honest and open and vulnerable is scary sometimes!!) but you guys are making me feel so blessed and loved! Thank you for your kind and encouraging words!
Beautiful post and beautiful pictures!
Melanie @ meandmr.com
Okay first of all I have to say that Tessa is precious and these pictures of her are beautiful!! What a little angel! I think your worries are totally normal, and as much as you try to rationalize and tell yourself that you have no reason to worry, it’s just the normal thing to do. (Especially moms–I feel like having a baby makes you much more prone to worries!) I wish I had words of wisdom, but we’re still on baby #1 around here, well toddler #1–he’s 18 months too.
I knew these thoughts MIGHT creep up, but I thought they were so silly! Now that I am facing them head on (there’s no going back now!) it IS rather scary! But yes, I guess “worrying” is part of the job description of being a mom! So… I guess I’m just on track then..? hehe!
I have a friend who said she would never have a second child. Then she got pregnant again and I asked, what changed? She said she looked at the father and his disappointment at not having a second child was not something you wanted. So that is what happened in that situation 🙂
She is so beautiful! It may be a hard adjustment at first, but they will of course love each other in the end!
xoxo
Kaley
My Closet Life Blog
Each and every time I gave birth to one of my children I worried. I worried about the others already in the family, how I would handle it, what this baby would be like. Then I worried some more. I might be an overachiever at worrying…Motherhood tends to make us love so fiercely we just can’t help worrying about our children. It will work out I promise and once that new little baby is in our your arms and adds another layer of love on top of the layer you have for Tessa and your husband it will all just feel so right!
That was beautifully worded Jen! Thank you so much for being so kind and encouraging! I know what you’re saying is spot on.. I had silly, “How will ONE baby effect my marriage?” thoughts with Tessa.. and in hindsight it’s all so SILLY! It’s just great hearing it from mothers with experience!
oh my gosh, tessa is so beautiful! it think it’s perfectly normal to have new baby jitters. your life will change dramatically again, but all in good ways. good luck sweetie! 😀
love, liz
http://www.stylewich.com
These photos are beautiful
xo
http://www.laurajaneatelier.com
First,I have to say Tessa is absolutely adorable! My first two boys were exactly 18 months apart the best thing about that age is there’s no jealousy just curiosity. And the age gap is so small they grow up to be really close friends. My sons are 10 and 11 and do almost everything together. Just relax and enjoy this time they grow up so quickly!
You said it PERFECTLY! No jealousy, just curiosity. That is what my husband and I were hoping and planning for and it is a LARGE reason on why we decided for this particular age spacing. My brother and I were exactly 18 months apart and we both were so close! It was a great childhood.. and we wanted that for our little ones! Thank you so much for your encouraging words! <3
In no time at all, you will not be able to remember a time without her. God is entrusting her with you and your family for a reason. You all will be fine. As for this old grandma, I am more worried about trying to wrangle two of these super intelligent little doll babies! I’m gonna be worn out but very very happy.
LOL, *I’m* worried about how I’m going to wrangle up two of them!! Tessa is becoming impossible! hehe! Life sure is gonna get interested tho, right? 😉
It’s natural to have these concerns but don’t worry it’s amazing how you feel with your second (and third…). You will be a fantastic Mum and Tessa will be a fantastic sister 🙂
ohh i love this 🙂 have an amazing day!
mfashionfreak♥blog
Such beautiful photos. I can’t relate, as I don’t have kids, but although I am sure things will changes, I am also sure it will be in a wonderful way.
that’s about the time apart my sis and i are. we are night and day but were close. much closer as adults, i’d say.
That’s so awesome to hear! I want that for my daughters!!
I don’t have child yet, but I think I can understand the thoughts and fears… But I’m sure you’ll all be alright. Wishing you all the best! 🙂
STYLE VANITY
You are going to be an amazing mama of two. I can only imagine that your feeling are very normal. Find comfort in knowing that God’s plan is for YOU to be her mom and he has faith in you 🙂
Thank you so much for your kind words Julie! I know God designed this little girl to be ours, and He’s entrusting me with a HUGE charge.. but He won’t give me anything I can’t handle (and that isn’t for our good!)
I think all your worries are completely natural. My kids are three years apart, and my daughter loved her little brother when he arrived, and was impatient for him to start playing with her! Within a month of his birth, I could not imagine my family without him. You have enough love in your heart for dozens of babies, Gingi. No, it will never be the same – it will be even better.
I know, in my heart of hearts that that is 100% true.. it’s just those pesky irrational fears? Somewhat akin to, “What if the sky falls?” lol! Thank for your thoughtful and kind comment Dana!
I had only one and never thought of the second because I didn’t want to go through the same thing. I was busy with my career and I knew I won’t be able to cope. Even then, my mum and mum-in-law helped me out so much.
Gingi, you are so blessed so don’t let irrational fears (or those crazy hormones) get to you. You’re doing a great job. Your girls are exactly the same age apart as mine are, and my 2 girls are absolutely each other’s best friend. They love each other so much! It’s been so wonderful seeing Esther grow and become a toddler (weep weep) but seeing how much these 2 girls love each other…..still marveling. All things work out for good, we know this in Christ! You’re doing a fab job.
Thank you Laura!! I didn’t realize your girls are spaced out the same as mine are! Yet another random thing we have in common, hehe. I really want nothing more than to see my girls grow into a beautiful friendship.. I’m impatient to see how our family will grow. Thanks for your encouraging words my friend!
Your daughter is so cute! Thanks for sharing your thoughts and good luck with the new baby! 🙂
Awww, such beautiful photos of your family. Tessa is so cute and adorable 🙂 Since I am waiting for my first little precious baby I haven’t got much experience to share. But I think the worries and thinking is a part of the love you feel. You have already connected with Thyme. All you want is the best for her and your family. So as you say it is perfectly normal and healthy.
I had a lot of worries even before I got pregnant. Like would I be a good mother? Would I manage to truly take care of a baby? And so on. These questions are gone – my bump is the answer 🙂 But there are new worries and I try to handle them. Me and my spouse talks a lot trying to share everything we are going through. I am certain you will be a loving little family with two sweet girls <3
Thank you Charlotte! I know you will be an amazing mom! From the short time I’ve “known” you online, I have no doubt of that! I think the worrying is perfectly normal, it’s our brains way of processing everything and getting us all riled up to be amazing! 😉
Thank you for sharing your honest feelings and emotions with us! Your sincerity really comes through in your writing, which I love. I’m sure it’s normal to have feelings like this, and it’s so sweet that little Tessa will have a sibling so close in age so they can grow up together. xx
lovejoanna.com
I can’t wait to be blessed to have a baby and we also want to have 2 children since he both have big brothers and love to have big families)
From what I see growing up with big brother (we have 9 years difference) despite the age difference older child is always so supportive and love the youngest one.
I think both of your babies will feel your and your husbands love and support so don’t worry about that))
http://www.stripesnvibes.com
It’s been a very long time since I have felt what you’re feeling – with my oldest two being 24 and 22 and my youngest, 19. I understand it all. But what I love most about this post – beyond the photos of your little sweetie – is the arc of your emotions and thoughtful response to this very grand transition in your life. My two oldest are girls and when I tell you, they were best friends upon making eye contact for the first time – it’s not an exaggeration. They even live together now. It’s all good. Feel what you feel when you’re feeling it – I’m big on that. I see you are too. Thyme is as lucky a little lady to be joining her very loving family as you all are to be welcoming her.
It’s so uplifting and refreshing to hear all the stories of close siblings – especially sisters – growing up being best friends! I want that so badly for my little girls. I know we are lucky to have Thyme join our family… and I hope she will be lucky to be ours too!
I’ve been through that with baby #2 and I went through it again now with baby #3. It’s normal and it will pass. I think you are doing great and that both your girls will be (are) lucky to have you as their mom!
so stunning look, super cute
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http://tr3ndygirl.com
kiss
Gingi, I don’t have kids but I really think kids change life for sure. I wish you all the good happier life with arrival of a new one in your life. stay blessed!
mmm … looks like Sweet Tessa just can’t wait to have a playmate! Lovely, lovely!
;-}
She really is SO ready to have a little friend!!
Precious photos. You’ll be okay. I was nervous when I had a second kid but she fit right in.
the shock of having 2 was something that my friends didn’t anticipate but with baby 2, they were WAY more relaxed. my sister was so anal about her first not putting anything clean in her mouth but with her second? she’d look over and Max was putting someone’s keys in his mouth and she’d be all “eh” and keep doing what she was doing. with her first, she would have run over and grab those keys from her hands and washed them right away LOL
this is so sweet and dreamy. Reading all of your story has something so positive and you all love life so much. You deserve love and happiness
xxx
mari
http://www.ilovegreeninspiration.com
Gingi, not only did I go through this and have the same fears and worries, but as soon as I held my second child it was like my heart just opened that much more to envelope her (if that makes sense). Trust me when I say as soon as you lay eyes on her you are going to adore her to pieces and make that much more room in your own heart. But definitely normal second time mom jitters. Hugs to you, Gingi.
Thank you Janine! I can’t wait to meet this little girl…
Try not to worry , I am sure all will be just fine!
Loved all the photos !
Having trouble with passwords again so I will try and leave a comment here again for your last post!
That was a good review … sounds like the alarm clock is a good one!
I have just one son so havent experienced any second baby jitters! Have faith, it will all work out just as per your plans and expectations. You have a beautiful family and wishing you all the happiness! Cheers and hugs! ♥
Your worries are perfectly natural. I remember having the same worries when I was pregnant with my second daughter. They are both grown now and I love them both dearly. Much love and happiness to you and your family.
Thank you Morgan! <3
This brought tears to my eyes Gingi. It brought back so many memories of the same exact fears and concerns that I had when I was pregnant with my second child. The good news is that you will love her with the same passion and obsession that you love your first born with. It’s amazing how much love our hearts can hold. And, Tessa will be amazing with her baby sister. I bought Alex an anatomically correct boy doll before Griffin was born and I gave it to her the day we came home from the hospital. When I changed his diaper, she changed her “babies” diaper. When I fed him, she fed hers, when I put him in his crib to sleep, she put hers in its bassinet next to G’s crib. That’s when she got alone time with me. It was beautiful. She was only 24 months old.
Take a deep breath, or two, and relax. Your life is about to get even better.
Thank you so much for your kind comment Linda! We also bought Tessa her very own baby doll so she can get used to having her own little baby around, and then she can take care of her baby while I take care of Thyme.. As the days inch closer to Thyme arriving, I am finding my fears shrinking and my excitement growing, so I’m glad the second baby jitters are slowly subsiding! I can’t even imagine what is in store for us!!
Gingi… I did go through that fear and my children are 22 years apart in age… the minute my little Valentina was handed to me, I fell in love with her and realized that I could love two children as much or more than I ever loved one… my oldest daughter is going to find that out in about 10 weeks… my grandson is 3 and he is so excited to have a sister, he kisses her belly all the time. I know he will be a wonderful big brother because he has extremely loving and kind parents who have taught him what it is to love. Just as I am sure your two girls will love each other too… since you and your husband have given them that foundation xox
22 years apart! That’s amazing! It’s crazy that nothing really changes regardless of how far apart children are in age! And you have grandchildren? What a blessing! Thank you for your kind words Launna.. thank you for your thoughtful comment! <3
That last photo is so stunning!!
My husband and I originally wanted one kid but we did say we’d have a talk when she turned one, to see if we wanted another. We didn’t! We agreed to have another talk when she turned two, and by then, we both wanted another! It was cool the way it happened. And I was really panicking about her not being my only at the end. Really scared.
And of course, as you know, your heart expands to love another just as much.
That’s so cool how you and your husband decided to have another! I love looking at the photos you share on your blog.. I see photos of happy siblings and I get SO IMPATIENT to see the friendship blossom between my own kids..
Been so long ago i can’t remember that far back. Mine are 30 (soon to be 40) and 35.
Awww, I think that it’s really normal to feel that way. I mean I only have one kid and I told my husband that we’re gonna have one baby only. I’m not so sure how I’d react to a second baby. We shall see but it doesn’t make you bad at all because you know for sure that you already love your second baby. I’m sure Tessa will be able to adjust to being a big sister. 🙂
No ‘mommie advice’ from me as I was not fortunate enough to have children, but I am sure it is totally normal and that Tessa will simply love Thyme. Tessa is already adorable and so will be Thyme. You already have a great and will have an even greater family.
All the best for THE date! (But I’m sure we’ll ‘hear’ from each other before that) 🙂
You know I perfectly understand your fears…I have almost the same fears for having my first..I’m not sure if I’m ready or if I will ever be..I want to, yes, that I know but it scares me…Well, I guess it is natural? What do you say?
I think it’s totally natural.. it’s our silly brains trying to work out our thoughts, emotions and fears.. it’s probably very healthy!! 😉
I can’t share my experience as I do not have any children yet but I think it’s fantastic that everything goes as plan for you in regards to the timing of having two kids in close succession! I believe you would be a great mum to your two precious children and your family will grow stronger in love every single day! God bless!
Prudence
http://www.prudencepetitestyle.wordpress.com
Although I don’t have kids yet (we’re waiting a couple more years at least), I found your post refreshing and beautiful. I’m always a nervous wreck when it comes to change, but I think everything will turn out wonderfully for you and your family.
Congrats on your pregnancy. I come from a large family and it is the best.
This was a really lovely post accompanied by beautiful photos. I have not yet had a child, so I am still just worrying about the basic logistics of having the first kid when that day finally does arrive. I think you should also cut yourself some slack though – you are allowed to have worries that are selfish. Of course, it is not good to be ruled by these things only, but your fears and worries are normal and I am sure all women have them and that they will not at all take away from the amazing mother you are going to be to your second child.
Rae | love from berlin
I remember feeling that way! I loved it when my daughter met my son. She was so excited to have a sibling. Gorgeous photos.
After I had my first kid, I kind of thought he’d be my one and only. I didn’t enjoy pregnancy and had a rough labor and delivery. But about nine months ago or so I decided that I was ready and that I really wanted Jack to have a sibling. I am not six months pregnant and going through all of these second baby jitters! I am so worried that having another kid will change my relationship with Jack. I have talked to other parents of more than one kid and they say they went through the same thing, but they don’t love either kid any differently, they love them both as much. They said you think it’s impossible, but it just happens. I’m anxious to see how it plays out. Your pictures are stunning.
This is such a beautifully written post and I haven’t read all of the comments, but I’m sure you got some great advice. Mine are 22 months apart and at first it’s hard, it is so much fun to watch these two little friends growing up together and playing together.